I debated writing this post. I went back and forth and forth and back.
Being a small business owner who is passionate about learning and growing, I am constantly reading and learning from others. The only problem with this is that sometimes you end up with conflicting information. One expert says, "DO THIS!" and another expert says "No, certainly DON'T do that" regarding the exact same thing. It can be exhausting.
Its time for a little vulnerability. I debated on posting because a lot of advice I have seen leans towards avoiding vulnerability. Don't share the negative because who wants to read about that? No one wants to see Debbie Downer and Negative Nancy blog posts! To a point I agree. But on the same hand, I also feel that it's that push towards a lack of vulnerability that has led me to feel the way I am feeling lately.
There is this constant pressure to craft and curate our social media lives in a way that ends up altering the perceived reality of the actual reality. We all know it happens but it doesn't make it any easier when faced with post after post after image after image of seemingly perfect and exciting adventures that we are NOT experiencing ourselves.
I've been feeling the feels lately. ALL of them. I've cried more in the past four weeks than I think I have all year. I briefly mentioned something on facebook and instagram the other day about how I am feeling and people reached out. People I didn't even know where watching. That brief moment of vulnerability was also a chance to connect. To let others know in some small way that even though there are a thousand awesome things happening, there are also another hundred things that sting. That hurt. That cut deep. There are endless unknowns and what if's and how do I's? We ALL feel that from time to time and it is a connection point for us all. And even though raw and exposed moments happen for all of us from time to time....there is a constant nudge....
Its going to be ok.
So here I am sharing some vulnerability with those out there in my little online circle. Maybe it's not good for business and maybe this won't happen often, and maybe I'm ignoring advice from some really successful peeps, but I wanted to share some of my heart with you, friends, in an effort to let you know, it's not perfect, it's not amazing (all the time) and I struggle just as much as the next guy.
Even though I tend to be an extremely optimistic, realistic and accountable person, I struggle with many things. I struggle with worry, I struggle with doubt, I struggle with feeling productive and successful, I struggle with feeling left out and not liked, I struggle with my weight, I struggle with patience.
This past month all of these struggles have been magnified by what feels like 100%. Moving across the country, living in a relatively comfortable but still not "home" cabin with two teenagers, two dogs a ridiculously tiny kitchen and no personal space, not having things that you need when you need them, not knowing anyone, not knowing the area, not working, not knowing when you will start working again, not being able to make a phone call without getting in the car and driving down to the mall, and having no idea when you can start working on making your goals and dreams a reality....all of these things seem to make even tiny issues seem worse than they really are.
I am constantly reminding myself to see the positives in our situation, and believe me they are there: more time with Paul than I have had in a while, endless TV show marathons (Under the Dome, Teen Wolf and Last Man on Earth have all been devoured mercilessly) snuggled on the couch, ice cream or popcorn somewhere nearby...., exploring the new area, seeing water and trees again, finding a church...
I am a firm believer in trying to learn as much as possible from any situation I encounter. This time and season in my life is teaching me a lot and even though I am ready for it to be over, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and I am going to strive not to forget them. I don't write this post to complain even though it may seem like it. I generally stay away from complaining because I feel like 1) if you have time to complain about something, you probably have time to actually do something about it to try to change the situation instead 2) complaining about things doesn't actually get you anywhere, you have to take action.
These are the actions I have decided on for the next couple of weeks:
We close on our house TODAY! We will likely spend the next week or two unpacking and settling in. I'm giving myself this time to just be with my family and not worry about keeping up with social media. TIME OUT. And you know what?
It's going to be ok.
I am also going to stop reading and looking at some specific accounts on social media for the while. I have noticed a very specific reaction I have had lately to certain posts from a select few that have no result other than me feeling bad about myself. I feel like I will never be accomplished enough, or successful enough or good enough. It's not their intention in any way shape or form, but at this season in my life, that is my reaction. It would be silly to continue on that path. And you know what?
Its going to be ok.
I don't really know if I accomplished anything through this post. I hope I connected with a few of you out there and even though I mostly complained about the insignificant minutiae of my day to day right now, I hope that somehow there is some encouragement in there. Some revelation that we are not alone, we all struggle, we all feel the feels. And sometimes it just helps to talk and write and be vulnerable despite the risks. My prayer for you and me, is that we both understand that it's all going to be ok.
Love you friends. Thank you for reading. See you in a few weeks!