This is Marriage

Friday, Paul returned home after being gone at a training for almost three weeks. THREE WEEKS PEOPLE! 

Thankfully trips like this don't happen often and comparatively they are short lived to what some other military spouses have to go through. This trip was pretty special however as pretty much as soon as Paul left, things just started to go WRONG. 

The day he left the tire light came on in my car. I've had some tire issues lately (two new tires and then I drove over a razorblade...) so the fact that another issue with a tire was happening was exhausting me to no end. 

Now, I'm sure I could figure how to change a flat tire if I REALLY WANTED TO, but I just don't really want to. Like ever. So obviously I wasn't excited about a tire light being on. I was terrified that the tire was going to be flat every time I walked out to the car until I could get it to Costco for a check. Luckily I was able to get it fixed within a couple of days but then......

The ice in the refrigerator started to taste bad. It was subtle, but there was definitely a "taste". We changed the filter like a month ago, so I didn't think that was the problem. I googled the issue and the consensus was that I needed to take the filter out for a few days and then put it back in. It would result in the ice tasting like tap water, but this was the solution. I did this and the next day the refrigerator stopped making ice all together. I put the filter back in. Nothing. No water either. URG. Paul thinks he might be able to fix it but its bottled water and bags of ice until then. Could be worse, but still, it's annoying. 

Two days later I am at the back door letting the dogs out and what do I see hiding in the screen door track? 

A SNAKE.

Seriously?! Seriously. 

Thank goodness Kyle unexpectedly came home almost right at that moment and he took care of that for me. I honestly had no idea what to do. Oy. 

Then on Thursday, the day my good friends came into town for a weekend visit, I loaded up the washing machine to do a load and the thing fills up with water and then just stops. Nothing. Won't turn on. I mess with the outlet, hit the breaker...change the settings. NOTHING. 

So now I have a washer full of water and clothes floating around. Great. I text Paul and we start troubleshooting. We both come to the conclusion from our searching that the lid switch is probably broken. The video on how to fix it looks slightly complicated and where am I supposed to find a lid switch for a Kenmore 80 series anyway? 

Amazon of course. 

So anyway, we hem and haw a bit about what to do...do we call someone out to come and fix it for who knows how much? Do we get the replacement and I try to fix it myself? What do I do with a washing machine full of water and clothes? 

Why does Paul have to be gone right now? 

So I take all the clothes out and squeeeeeeze them and put them in the dryer and proceed to scoop out all the water in the machine and empty it into the nearby sink. I find my pink tool set, (because somehow I couldn't find ANY of Paul's tools) I start taking the thing apart. Before you know it I have the entire front of the washing machine off and lifted over the sink. 

I decide to fix it myself. I order the part and enjoy the weekend with my friends and Kyle heads to the laundromat to wash his work uniform. 

Monday comes and the part arrives and I watch a YouTube video about four times while I'm replacing the part. I get it all done and get the front back on the machine and snap and screw everything back together, convinced I had done everything right. I hit the switch.

Nothing. 

My spirit broke. I sat in the laundry room and sobbed for a good 5 minutes. 

I texted Paul and told him that it didn't work and for some strange reason at that moment I decided to look at the outlet again. I had messed with the breaker and I thought maybe I had left it in the wrong position or something. I hit it and pulled the knob on the washer and it started WORKING!!!!!

I couldn't believe it. I was still a little weary and didn't believe it was actually fixed until I did an entire load of laundry, but you know what? I've been doing loads for the past two weeks with no issue.

I fixed that thing. 

I texted Paul back and sent him a little video of the washer spinning. Later when he talked he told me how proud he was of me and how he bragged to the guys at training that his wife fixed the washing machine all by herself. It was killing him not to be here to take care of these things, but he was brimming with pride that I handled it. 

This is the real stuff guys. Things go wrong. At all the wrong times. I didn't love the fact that Paul's work took him away from me during a time when a lot of stuff was malfunctioning. For better or worse. He wasn't there in person but he was in spirit. He listened while I cried and prayed for me and cheered for me when that laundry got done. 

This is marriage. 

And I love it. 

Lessons in Perspective

Two weeks ago today we moved into our new home in NJ. We've been busy buying and building furniture (IKEA for the win!), meeting some neighbors (we have Bob's on either side of us and a Paul across the street...no joke!), unpacking and organizing, exploring and getting to know our neighborhood, and counting the different types of animals that make their way into our backyard. Three so far, a deer, a woodchuck (which is also known as a groundhog...the names are synonymous <--- we looked it up!) and a FOX! Kyle is the one who saw the fox and when I asked him what he said, I got one of the best "looks" I have seen in a while.

You know the kind that are like, I kind of want to laugh, but I'm a teenager so whatever you say automatically isn't funny type of looks. 

Anywho, I have taken this time to really just dig into the house and focus solely on getting things put together and "livable" and it honestly has been great. There is a lot to be said for allowing yourself time every now and then to just take a step back and breathe. I'm at a bit of a "starting over" phase with my business so I might not have an opportunity to do this again for a while! 

This is our backyard. Now you see why all the animals of the forest like to come hang out with us. BTW...that is Guinness, NOT a sly little fox. =) 

In addition to IKEA, Target, Pier 1, and Bed, Bath and Beyond, we have spent an inordinate amount of time in Home Depot. Paul is in heaven! 

A view from my morning walk in the neighborhood. I see many walks in my future. Guinness is gonna get a workout! 

Despite the brief time away, the mind of an entrepreneur never really shuts off. Even though I haven't been "actively" working on my business, I have been thinking a lot about where I want to go next and how I want to get there. 

The word PERSPECTIVE has been crossing my mind a lot since we moved. My situation is not ideal for a self-employed photographer, blogger and business owner.

I have what feels like a impossibly difficult to climb mountain directly in front of my face.

It's been staring me down ever since I knew for sure we were moving. How are you going to deal with this Cinnamon? Good luck getting to the top of me! This situation is insurmountable, good luck trying to figure it out! You should probably just give up and turn around because I'm too high, too rocky, you are totally going to fall off and fall flat on your face, why even try? 

I could do that. I could turn around and walk away. I could take this situation I am in and complain and cry and whine about how life isn't fair and none of the other "popular" photographers and business owners I follow have had to deal with THIS mountain! They haven't struggled against THESE difficulties. They have never had to move their family and business across the country. They are a husband and wife team, how hard can it be! They have 10k followers on Instagram and thousands of blog followers, of COURSE it works out for them!! 

But then the wise words of Sister Hazel ring through my mind....

If you wanna be somebody else....change your mind. 

Perspective shift. 

The way we THINK about things influences every aspect of our lives. If I am constantly looking up at the mountain and thinking about how big it is, I'll never climb it. I have to just start. One step at a time. Sure maybe it will take a while...maybe even a really, really long while.

But if what is at the top is important enough, the steps are 100% necessary.

Spending my time looking at others who are already SPRINTING down the backside of the mountain does NOTHING to help me achieve my own goals. 

This week I read something that resonated with me especially in this season I am in. (If you aren't signed up for Seth Godin's newsletter...go sign up! .....after you finish this post of course...) 

...We don't have to look very far to find someone who is better paid, more respected and getting more than his fair share of credit.

And social media: Of course there are people with more followers, more likes and more of just about anything you'd like to measure.

So what?

What is the comparison for?  Is it your job to be the most at a thing?

.....Just because a thing can be noticed, or compared, or fretted over doesn't mean it's important, or even relevant....

The most important comparison, in fact, is comparing your work to what you're capable of. 

I know what I am capable of. This needs to be my perspective. What am I doing compared to what I know I am capable of doing? That gets me excited. That gets me jazzed. That does not make me want to cry or whine. It scares me a little because it might involve a lot of hard work, but I KNOW the top of the mountain is within reach, the steps just need to start. 

Have you thought about what you are capable of? How can you relate that to your business? Tell me all about it in the comments or in an email!